As the cost of paying for a funeral keeps rising, it is understandable that people are looking for cheaper alternatives. You might have heard people saying, “Oh just put me out with the bins!” which although darkly humorous, speaks to wanting to save their loved ones the hassle, heartbreak, and financial expense of a funeral.
As discussed in a recent article by The Guardian, ‘Cost of dying’ in UK hits record level as bereaved turn to crowdfunding to meet bills’ by Rupert Jones, many people are requesting Direct Cremations as a way to make their exit from life as inexpensive and simple for their families as possible.
The Rise of Direct Cremations
From a financial point of view this makes perfect sense, however, direct cremations come at an emotional cost that people may not be aware of because – according to research by O’Rourke et al, – funerals are – “an integral part of a culture’s mourning system, in which a sense of structure and closure is framed”.
The Role of Funerals
In short, funerals have evolved over the years to meet the needs of the dying as well as the mourners, by offering –
- A familiar structure to bring a sense of order and structure during a time of unpredictable events and emotions.
- A chance to actively participate in an occasion that honours life, and may include respecting religious or spiritual beliefs.
- The chance to say goodbye to a loved one, especially for those who may not have been close around the time of the death.
- The safety of being able to show emotions freely and publicly without judgement which helps alleviate emotional pressure.
- An open invitation to talk about the deceased and their relationship with them, which can bring healing and comfort.
- The opportunity to reframe thoughts around losing someone by reflecting on the person’s life as a whole – including happier times, treasured memories, and loving relationships.
- A way to start processing what has happened and to start moving towards acceptance and learning to live alongside the loss of a loved one.
- The comfort and support of gathering with family and friends, perhaps reconnecting with people you’ve not seen for a while, to share the experience at a difficult time in life.
But what’s the alternative?
If you find yourself in the position where a direct cremation has been requested, or is the best option for you, then there are other ways to honour your loved one, bring a sense of closure, make space for emotions, and find comfort in social support during your grief.
Here are a few ideas to consider –
- Hold a Memorial – or Wake – inviting family and friends to meet at your home, or a venue such as a pub, or their Bowling club to talk about their relationship and memories, perhaps over a meal or a few drinks. Some people like to ask the guests to record their thoughts in a memory book, or share photos for the family to keep.
- Celebrate their Life – in the way your loved one would have wanted – perhaps with a themed party or a meal at a favourite restaurant with opportunities for people to contribute their stories, songs, a dance, or a musical performance.
- Take a trip down memory lane – by organising to visit one, or a series of places that hold special memories of your loved one. You could raise a glass at their favourite restaurant, or take a paragliding trip in their favourite spot…
- Plan a ceremony to Scatter or Inter (bury) their Ashes – perhaps with a small group of family or friends in a place that you feel is fitting for the deceased and the mourners. There are plenty of interesting options to choose from to make this a fitting send-off – including sending people into space, or remembrance gardens – but please ask the landowner’s permission and follow the Environmental Guidelines.
- Ask a celebrant to assist you – as experts in ceremony creation, public speaking, and event organisation – a celebrant could offer you support and suggestions to plan a cost-effective, personal, special way to honour the unique life of your loved one – such as a family-friendly ceremony on the beach, or a campfire story sharing evening.
Whatever you choose, some costs are unavoidable – as is the heartbreak of losing a loved one.
However, by taking a little time to explore your options, such as by asking your Funeral Director for cost saving alternatives, you can find a way forward that feels fitting for your loved one, and that gives you, your family and friends time to grieve, support each other and move towards making peace with your loss.
